You know, I think there comes a point in everyone’s life when they wonder why in hell they ever were born in the first place.  Nothing changes, nothing ever will.  Why bother?

Call it wallowing in self pity all you want.  So be it.  If that is what it is, then so be it.

I realized when we went into this bankruptcy that a lot of things would come about.  We eventually have lost everything except ourselves.  And I’m not sure about that yet.

When (to those who might have come to that point) does it start to get better?  It doesn’t, does it?  It never will.

Yeah, I’ve heard all of the psycho babble bull snit that has come down the line about how this economy is affecting everyone that way.


I have strived all my life to see the bigger picture. 

Somebody ripped my canvas…

I’m continually reminded of how horrible of a father I am, and how the stupid mistake I made ten years ago, will never be erased.  Reminded of that semi annually when I make sure the government knows where I live.

Every year, on my birthday and then on Sarah’s I get a registered letter that says I will go to jail if this letter is not hand delivered within 10 days.

This will happen for the rest of my life.

Every year, I get one year stupider and my imaginary daughter gets thrown in my face, not matter how hard I try to forget.

I’m still being positive here folks.

Hell, nobody read’s your shit anyway….  (another why bother)

Well, I take that back.  My brother tries to stay with the cause.  I think that’s the best way that we communicate sometimes.  Not that we don’t have any lack of communication, we just don’t communicate very often. 

You know, I really don’t think I realized how bad Jeremy and his mom hurt me, personally, by attacking Kicker with the things that they went snooping around in my life to get.

I won’t step foot in that church again, ever.  I now don’t trust anyone again.  I’m moving back into my shell.  I will never get back into a church that deep again.  I may never allow myself to have anymore friends either.  Not new one’s anyway.

I could care less of the band did anything at this point.  As much because of them dragging their feet (2nd band to do this to me now) about our online presence, as anything, but I’m tired of the tiptoeing around other peoples feelings all the damn time.

I’m so numb, I don’t even really have any words.  Just bitching…

Oh, well

Looks like the keystone’s arch fell again….


About sirkeystone

This dude lives and slaves in the Siloam Springs Arkansas area, where his day job is a flooring installer. For now. An author, artist, guitar repair guy, and loves to play with cars. Not just HotWheels either. Guitar, Bass, and vocals for local False Hope band, an Indie/Country/Rock band that used to be a classic rock cover band.

Posted on January 4, 2009, in Outside work. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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